I learned a lot in college, inside and out of classes. There’s a tendency to think that just because we are learning so much inside the classroom means that we know a lot about life. I think we all learn at different paces about different parts of life. Here’s what I found to be true while in undergrad.

1. People are walking contradictions Link to heading

Especially towards the beginning, I used to really dislike people. Like really really really dislike them. Something that helped me get over this feeling was realizing that people are walking contradictions. We believe in things but our actions don’t always follow that. We say things but sometimes our actions don’t show that. But even as imperfect beings, we judge others for being imperfect, of not making sense, or of not doing what they say they would do.

One of the hardest things to do for me in those moments is to realize that they are also people: real life people who are learning every day of their lives to become better. So just because things didn’t go well with other people, doesn’t make them a bad person. It doesn’t make you a bad person either. Sometimes, the people we are at a moment of time doesn’t match the people they are then. That doesn’t mean they or you can’t grow. We’re all growing people.

2. Headspace is your space. Link to heading

A lot of people learn the importance of mental health in college and I was no exception. Finding the time for yourself, being able to understand what you can and can’t handle, knowing the difference between physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion were all lessons that I learned the hard way. Taking steps towards helping my mental health was also new for me. I saw a therapist for the first time. I started to regularly meditate (the Headspace app is a life saver). I began to recognize my own limits. One of the biggest things was learning that it is okay to be selfish. Putting yourself as a priority so that you can handle the day, the week, the month or even the year is important.

3. Friends Link to heading

I thank my partner for helping me realize this. The people in your life aren’t categorized as your friends and as your not-friends. There are those you care deeply about and send gifts to on their birthdays. There are others that you check up on every month or week or year. And then there are those that are simply there. When something happens between you and a friend that either takes too much headspace or distances you in some way, I found that recalibrating how much you spend your time thinking of them, how you show your affection towards them, is often easier. Letting go of one kind of care for another can help you continue to live your life and let them live theirs. I have friends who I know will never be my best friends. I have others whoused to be my best friends but no longer are. Taking these people in stride and making sure you aren’t burdening yourself in maintaining friends is important. Friendship is supposed to be easy. If it isn’t, that’s bad.

4. Everyone takes their own journey Link to heading

I met a lot of different kinds of people. each one had arrived to Columbia after living a lot of bit of different kinds of life. One had just returned from serving in the army. Another transferred from community college. Others sought to get an education after leaving a past life. Each person has their own struggles and experiences that they went through and spending time with each and every one of them was a reward onto itself.

5. Life has no “meaning”. Link to heading

I used to think that I’d graduate, maybe get a PhD, and then my life would start. That I would make memories on family trips or those “memorable moments” in between the problem sets and weekly club meetings. I think thats common for a lot of students. This is a hard one. In college, I had a few people and friends who didn’t make it. Losing them made me realize that the life that the moments they lived were no less meaningful than. The boba run, the dining hall visit, the study date, no matter how seemingly inconsequential, are important life moments that make up our memories and our relationships. Knowing that we are actually out here living life every second of every day feels good. It’s freeing.

Conclusions Link to heading

It took me a while to publish this post. I know not many people will read it but I was anxious to publish anything about life. I still have a lot to learn and it’s hard to say I’ve gotten far in understanding what is happening around me. I suppose that’s true for everyone.